Tuesday, September 27, 2005

"Mummy, I saw that lady's Boobies!"

...as declared by an amazed 4 year old who saw me nursing Matilda at a party recently. I am now in the business of educating our young. I provide a valuable service, and he'll be very grateful when he's 14 and hasn't seen any for a while, I bet!

As if you thought I could stay quiet for long!

My mum is here visiting, and I just can't make the time to sit and blog anymore... It's amazing how time flies when you're sitting there, listening to another mother telling you how brilliant you are with your baby. ESPECIALLY when said mother obviously knows what she's talking about, since she has done such a brilliant job with you (Modest? Noooo.)

I don't think we were made to bring up babies alone. I think we were supposed to have a circle of female relatives and friends constantly surrounding us and offering moral support. I really, trully think that we're punishing ourselves trying to be independent these days. It's amazing how much better I feel having my mum here. She doesn't have to do anything, not even hold the baby. I still do everything. It's just having her here watching in approval that makes all the difference.

So I've had some parenting revelations since you last heard from me.

First, my mum came and met her grandaughter. I was so waiting for her to come! I think my mum is a brilliant mother, one of those women you hear about who are naturals. Babies' tears transform to smiles when she's around. She can decipher the babble of babies that aren't even her own. She never loses her patience. She chews binkies and spits up rattles, that's how good she is. Since Matilda was born I've always compared myself to her and felt I was lacking something. And then she came. And every time she picked Matilda up, Matilda cried and looked to me. when I took her, she instantly stopped. She wanted me! I'm more than the person with the boobies. I'm not my mum, but I'm her mum.

Then, some days later, we went to a birthday party (where I met the voyeuristic little boy mentioned above.) At some point, I ended up holding someone elses baby, and some other mum ended up holding Matilda. Matilda was absolutely fine with the arrangements, but after a while, I was getting hot and bothered. Why am I holding this strange baby? I should be holding my own! I don't like this baby anymore, take it back! The other mum asked me a couple of times if I minded her holding Matilda, and I couldn't very well say yes, so I ended up following her around like a lost puppy, asking over and over again "Is she ok? Oh alright then. No, no... Just checking." Revelation number two. I actually like my baby enough to want her back when I get a break from her! It sounds obvious, but it isn't, not when I'm spending my entire day holding or carrying or feeding or changing her. This was the first time that I could actually reassure myself that I love her, not just like her.

And finally last Thursday, we were at the doctor for Matilda's 6 week check up. After she was asleep and had to be woken up a few times by prodding nurses ("Awwww, bless. Nothing as peaceful as a sleeping baby. " Poke.) I had to wake her up yet again and undress her for the doctor to poke her. Understandably, she started crying. I couldn't pick her up so I just stroked her face and talked to her while she was being examined. And she stopped! Revelation number three. My baby looks to me for comfort and gets it. I'm a mum.

Matilda now smiles and coos and shrieks in joy, she stares at her hands and follows things around, holds her head up and is trying to roll over. The other day at the doctor's office, I was nursing her and she looked up and gave me this completely goofy smile, with the nipple still in her mouth. And she has these amazing dimples that I have no idea where she got from. Noone I know of in either side of the family has dimples. Obviously, a random bonus from the Powers-That-Be, to make her look even cuter.

Here you go, have a smile!

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