Monday, April 03, 2006


Yes, I'm still alive (probably. I might be hallucinating. Feel free to coment on this.)

Matilda is really coming on with the babbling and developing her own language. We've noticed, for example, that she makes a chirpy little a-da-da-da-da... Ta! ta! ta! sound when she's content, interested, happy, and a moaning Maaaamamamamamaaaaama when she wants something (Milk. Nappy change. Sleep. That toy over there. My credit card.) The cat is a favorite recipient for the chirpy sound. Guess who gets to hear the moaning mamamas more often.

We had an awful night last night. Matilda is really snuffly and snorkely, and she couldn't sleep because she couldn't breathe well. She wanted to breastfeed, of course, but her nose was stuffy so we had several rounds of suck-suck-can't breathe-oops, where'd my nipple go-suck-suck, accompanied by random snurfing sounds. I didn't want to give up hope, but you try to sleep with a stuffy nose and a mouthful of boob. Peter kept picking her up and walking her to sleep, but she woke up almost as soon as she was horizontal again. We finally managed to find a position that worked and slept around 6:00 in the morning... I might be sleeping right now and dreaming about blogging.

I apologise in advance for being self indulgent, but after reading this article, I spent 30 minutes writing a response to it, only to find out that they weren't accepting comments anymore. I can't let all this effort go to waste. YOU read it. :)

I can see both parents' points, and don't think either of them is being stupid (my, aren't we quick to point fingers and throw names around?)
I understand how James would feel left out, and I understand why he'd want "alone time" with his wife. I think Valentina should make an effort to schedule some regular alone time, for the two of them. Maybe find a babysitter she can trust, a friend or family member? Maybe find a friend with kids, and they could swap baby-sitting duty every week or so? HOWEVER, James must realise that the "alone time" might be short at first -maybe an hour or so. Jayla is still VERY YOUNG, at 3 months old. There's so many things we don't know about them: 1. Does she breastfeed? Will the baby take a bottle from someone else? 2. Do they have any trusted friends or family around? I personally wouldn't leave my 3 month old with a stranger.
I do, however, think James is being unreasonable about wanting the bedroom to be a child-free zone; this is going to be very difficult with a baby and a toddler. Even without co-sleeping, studies show that keeping a baby in the bedroom until 6 months reduces the instance of SIDS significantly. And there are also many studies that show co-sleeping is NOT , I repeat NOT dangerous, if done correctly -there are guidelines, the same as there are guidelines for safe crib-sleeping.
And I also understand why Valentina wants James III to have a late bedtime, so she can spend time with him -it is very difficult being a working mum, and this is one of the reasons we made whatever sacrifises were necessary for me to stay at home with the children. Maybe a compromise would be in order here, i.e. move his bedtime back -but just a bit, maybe an hour or so? Then they could get an (extra) hour on their own before bedtime.
Ultimately, it is not so much that I find James' demands completely shelfish and unrealistic; but I think his timing is appalling. The baby is BARELY 3 MONTHS OLD. And Valentina also has a toddler. At 3 months, babies are very needy, they are a little bundle of instincts, they wake up a lot, they need comfort, and no, you can't spoil them, James! Hey, when my daughter was 3 months old, I was JUST STARTING to get my head over water, and manage her care a bit better, and feel a bit less lost. I got the impression James III has his own bedroom, so Jayla would leave her parents' bed at some point in the near future too. And, newsflash, sex doesn't have to happen in bed, just before bed-time. There are other times and places. (And yes, I think a couple's sex life is important and should be nurtured.)
I understand a lot of you have done things differently, but that doesn't make anyone stupid, nor does it mean that 3 month old sleeping with her parents will be a spoiled brat.
To sum up, I think James' points are valid to a certain degree, but completely out of line AT THE MOMENT. Wait until the baby is 6-8 months old, and discuss them again. I should think 3 months worth of patience and tolerance is not much to ask for from a husband and father.

And just so you don't think I've gone all serious and preachy on you, have a look at this. A good laugh, a little present from me to you, my bossom friends. Ha. HA! MWAHAHA!

(I'm sleep deprived, don't judge me.)

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