Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Greek Drivers

Sent by my brother and frighteningly accurate.


Driving Rules for Greeks:

Signalling will reveal to other drivers what your next move will be. A genuine Greek driver will never signal.

Under no circumstances should you try to keep a safe distance from the car in front of you. Doing so will mean that a third vehicle might be able to squeeze in front of you, putting you at even more of a disadvantage.

The faster you go through a red light, the slimmer the chances are that another car will hit you.

NEVER stop at a STOP sign. Cars behind you will not expect this move and are likely to drive into you if you do.

You should brake as late as possible to ensure your ABS functions properly. You will be rewarded with a relaxing foot massage. If your car doesn’t have ABS, this is a good chance to stretch your legs a bit.

Never overtake on the left if you can overtake on the right. The frightened expression on the other driver’s face will entertain you time after time.

Speed limits are arbitrary numbers that are only offered as a suggestion, and clearly they are not practical to use in Greece.

Even if you are stuck in traffic so bad that it is impossible to move your car an inch, the aggravated driver pushing his horn behind you is convinced that he would be moving faster than you are, if he were in your position.

A genuine Greek driver will always slow down to have a good look at whatever catches his fancy. This could range from a shop window to a good-looking girl, and from a car accident to another driver changing a tyre.

Learn how to switch lanes quickly. Thanks to the ministry of traffic, Greece has been transformed to a vast track circuit, with openings placed in strategic places to check your reflexes.

In Greece it’s traditional to honk as soon as the light turns green, even if there are no cars in front of you.

Never give way to a car driving in the opposite direction on a narrow lane. The driver could have been using a different lane parallel to the one you are on, so clearly they’re doing it on purpose.

Remember that the purpose of all Greek drivers is to get there first. There will always be a good reason why you’re in a hurry. On the other hand, everyone else on the street probably has no reason to be there.

Greek women drivers can cook, wash, knit, have sex, talk on the phone, but they can’t drive.

A helmet should be worn on one’s elbow, for reasons that are yet to be identified. You are advised to follow this trend anyway.

Seat belts are dangerous. Cutting edge Greek research has proved thousands of crash tests wrong. If you’re meant to die, you will, so it doesn’t matter if you’re wearing a seat belt or not.

The music in your car should always be at full volume, regardless of the song. This is a selfless way to entertain pedestrians as they wait patiently for a driver to stop at a zebra crossing.

Pedestrians are a driver’s worst enemy. They take up space on the sidewalk, making it difficult to park on it, and they insist on crossing the street, forcing cars to slow down.


Philip is enjoying his own little adrenaline rush here:

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